Damon made it pretty much canon in 4x23 that the moment Elena ceases to exist is the moment he takes off his daylight ring and walks into the sunlight.
I really wish people would stop saying that Elena told Damon that he IS a terrible person because she did not say that.
Yeah, she said “You’ve been a terrible person”. She said he was a terrible person and now he just makes a lot of wrong choices
It just really bothers me to no end when people go on and on about how Elena loves Damon even though he’s a terrible person because that is not at all what is going on. Elena told Damon in 4x08 that he has changed. Elena would never ever date Damon now if he was still the same person he was in season 1.
What Elena was saying is that she knows where Damon has been. She knows what he has done to her, her friends, to her brother. She knows what he did to Lexi, and the kind of murderous person he was in the 70’s. She knows what he is capable of, she knows that as a vampire Damon has made all of the wrong choices.
She knows him, his past, the dark places he has been, the good and bad parts of him and loves him anyway. And she’s not sorry about it.
I’d rather die right now than spend a handful of years with you only to lose you.
“We are alone and we hate it”
Mabekah and Klaroline, 3x14 —> 4x23
Damon and Elena are not your typical romantic lead or couple. Their relationship subverts a lot of expectations when it comes to couples, love and gender roles. I’m going to look at both overall themes in Damon and Elena’s relationship when it comes to gender roles and reversals and illustrate this with examples from the show (in gif form!)
Warning, this involves me using way too many gifs from D/E kissing and sex scenes and over-analyzing the gender roles and reversals involved in them. You have been warned <3
In most fictional universes, the female character is the more emotional one, where the male character is more concerned with the physical (“getting ass” for a lack of better terms?). Damon is the first one to realize that he has feelings/is in love with Elena. Elena, on the other hand, while aware of the sexual tension and attraction she has with Damon, but doesn’t pursue/return/acknowledge this attraction until she is ready to explore her desires and give in to what she wants in 3x19.
When Damon initiates a kiss between him and Elena (in 3x10), it’s a very sweet, simple and chaste kiss. The Elena-initiated kiss in 3x19 is, on the other hand, much more passionate, intense, and if it weren’t interrupted by Jeremy, could have easily continued. In their physical scenes, Damon is typically content to do something relatively chaste (holding hands, dancing, kissing), while it’s Elena’s initiation that makes it turn into something more intense.
When it comes to the physical aspects of their relationship, I’m going to use the three most physical scenes (3x19, 4x07 and 4x08) these two have engaged in to illustrate the gender role reversals. There’s many gifs and over analysis to follow.
3x19 - Bed Scene/Kiss Scene (The Female Gaze and Elena’s Desire)
The male gaze is a very typical thing found in most popular culture. It involves scenes framed around a male character looking at a female character and often objectifies the female character as a beautiful, sexual thing to look at. The motel scene in 3x19 where Elena is gazing at a shirtless Damon is the opposite of this and reflects a female gaze. The entire scene is framed from Elena’s perspective, and it’s so refreshing to see a female character show her attraction, instead of just male characters.
In this scene, Elena is unabashedly gazing at Damon’s body (and himself). While she at first closes her eyes and pretends to be asleep, she soon opens them and makes Damon aware of her desire for him. There’s just so much communicated in this scene by how they look at each other. This episode is all about Elena acknowledging her desire for Damon, communicating it to him and taking what she wants. So rarely does television or fiction focus on female desire, so I love seeing this in Damon and Elena.
3x19 is pretty much Damon following Elena’s lead. While Damon is probably content to lie in bed and hold hands with Elena, Elena is the one to run out of the room because she feels so overwhelmed by what she’s feeling. She’s the one to initiate the kiss (after a simple “Why not?” from Damon) and is the one mainly in control during the kiss.
When Damon begins kissing down her neck towards Elena’s chest, she’s the one who brings his head back up to hers so they can continue kissing. He follows her lead here, and it’s glorious.
Damon pushes Elena back to the wall and her hands meet his on the wall and they don’t stop for a second. While Elena’s leading this encounter, Damon is by no means a passive person in their encounters (as the “feminine” one tends to be). He’s actively participating and engaged in the kiss, but Elena is the one who is in the lead. There is a power balance where they take turns being in charge, instead of one always being passive or active. They’re both active, just one more so than the other.
4x07 Sex Scene
Elena is the one who takes this dancing/kissing/makeout scene to the next level by pushing Damon against the wall with vampire speed (destroying his lamp in the process) and ripping his shirt off. Damon’s face is an open book of awe and his arms are in a submissive position, wide open so that Elena can touch and explore his chest. Instead of the submissive female and dominant male, we have Elena in a role of dominance and Damon submitting to her, and it’s glorious.
Let’s look at how the bed part of this scene starts. We have Elena on top, straddling Damon and pushing him onto the bed. And Damon, 160+ year old vampire, looks at 18-year old Elena with awe, reverence and worship. She uses her vampire strength to hold him down, and it’s so obvious that Damon is into it.
Then we have this stunning mirroring going on, with Damon doing one action to Elena (kissing down her stomach), with Elena doing the same exact thing in the next shot (kissing down his stomach). This repeats with some other scenes, such as them biting each other’s lips, but let’s look at the stomach kissing scenes. Not only are they mirrored to show a power balance, but look at Damon’s reaction to having Elena kiss down his chest (and further, if you know what I mean??). He clutches the pillow and reaches upwards, which is so often the female’s reaction to receiving pleasure. The power balance in these scenes are equal and mirrored and it’s stunning.
4x08 Sex Scene
The 4x08 morning after scene has a lot of the same themes, mirroring and gender role reversals as the 4x07 scene, but I’m going to over-analyze some of the parts I think best illustrate gender role reversals.
So much of Damon/Elena’s sex scenes so far have been about mirroring and power balances. In these scenes, we have Elena touching Damon’s face with her finger ad she kisses him, and then Damon running his fingers over Elena’s lips. There’s also the same kissing down the chest mirroring as there was in the 4x07 scene.
Here we have Elena looking so incredibly satisfied and sated. When she comes, she scratches Damon’s back to the point of it bleeding (with her new vampire strength), and in doing this, she sets him off too. Damon may be on top here, but it’s obvious who is in control in this scene.
Bonus: Damon the Housewife
Plus, how can you not have gender role reversal when Damon is a secret neat freak/housewife?? It practically writes itself. <3
Damon is an emotional person, who, with the people who he’s in love with, cares about the feelings and often submits himself to the Elena’s needs and leaves himself vulnerable to her. Elena, when it comes to Damon, is growing up and figuring out what she wants and her desires and needs. Her taking a more active and dominant role shows her coming into her own as a woman and a vampire, instead of following the whims of whatever male she’s with. Elena and Damon’s relationship has an interesting power balance where they often switch roles, but it often amounts to an equal power relationship. Typical emotional female/dominant male tropes are boring, and part of the reason why I love Damon and Elena are that they subvert these tropes time and time again.